A Hurricane is on the Way

As Hurricane Florence heads toward the Carolinas there is a high likelihood that the sea islands that extend from the Georgia coast up through the Carolinas will sustain heavy damage. This damage will cost Americans billions through insurance premiums and debt service that will eventually become taxes).

For more than half a century these ecologically sensitive barrier islands have been developed into resorts, hotels, condos, and golf courses without a thought to the ecological or archaeological impact.

Not only do these islands protect the shore from storm surges, these islands should have been some of our greatest archaeological treasures. It was through these islands that many slave ships arrived. Now, most of the artifacts of Gullah and Geechee culture and Ibo Landing have been lost at the bottom of a sand trap.

We will now spend billions to replace development that paid nothing to rob us of priceless cultural heritage.

Am I Happy?

I think so. I have a wonderful wife and daughter. Admittedly, I am struggling to come to terms with the idea of having a daughter. I do know that I need her in my life and have to accept that this is not a decision that I get to make.

Do I worry about what others think? Too much, but less than i used to. The less i care about what others think the happier I am. That’s not to say, i should feel that way about everyone. I don’t.

I still weigh too much, but am getting in better shape. Lifting weights twice a week has improved my strength and my body image.

I am living in the house I want and in the town I want to live in.

We’re financially pretty secure.

So why do I want to roam? I think it’s just my nature. I have always been a loaner. I have always preferred my own company. I have always like to see and try new things. I think I will miss people. Notably Tanya and Alison. I will worry about my aged mother and dogs. I worry about whether I should wait until they are all gone before I roam a little, but don’t know if I can.

I think coming back in a year could mark a turning point in my work life as well. This just seems important.

A To-Do List for a Big Trip

Planning about a year into the future, there are things to take care of:

  1. Passport: It needs to be valid through six months after your return date. Do you have enough blank pages left?

  2. ATMs: Get a bank account that reimburses foreign ATM withdrawals. Charles Schwab.

  3. Figure out who/how bills will be paid while you are gone.

  4. Get a VPN.

  5. A credit card that doesn’t charge foreign transaction fees.

  6. Global Access.

  7. Visas: Where are you planning on going that require Visa? How much time does it take to get one.

….to be continued.

Tossing and Turning

i have been meaning to write a new post for a while, if for no other reason than to stay in practice.  Two main thoughts have been occupying my mind.  First, my child.  My Daniel,  my Alison.  He is not doing well.  The Crohn's medication is not working and the doctor is switching him to a different medication.  I still have my issues with gender identity as you can see.  Parenting never ends.

Second, is my future.  We have been talking about me taking a year off and doing a walk about.  It looks like the best time would be to move it up to September 2019.  I am thinking of starting in the Stans and moving west toward Europe and the middle east.  That would take about four months, then Tanya and I would head to southeast Asia for her sabbatical.  Nothing too definite yet, just casting around for ideas.  

Parenting Comes with Challenges

I have been trying to put my thoughts together on this for a while now.  

I should start by saying that my one child was pretty easy to raise.  Aside from a diagnosis of Crohn's disease at the age of 15, it's been a pretty easy ride.  My ex-wife and I separated at age 3, and later divorced, even that was fairly smooth.

The most difficult challenge came near the end of college when my ex and I got an e-mail from our only child, wherein we were told that he wanted to be a she and that she wanted to be called Alison.

I can't say that nay of us have done anything perfectly in the nearly one year since this came out in the open.  i still haven't told anyone.  I come from a small town, my mother is 84.  I just don't know how to address this topic.  I'm a pretty liberal guy, I should be the parent best equipped to deal with this, but it is really hard to accept.

Questions:

1.  Is this just a phase?  Prior to a year ago, he had a beard and never expressed any feminine qualities.  Why this? Why now?

2.  Is it his friends?  All kids these days seem to have some sort of gender fluidity.  

3.  Is it some kind of persecution complex?

4.  Is it real?  

Answers:  One thing I have always believed as a parent is that you want your child to be true to themselves and live their most fulfilled life while not having to go through the pain that may be involved with that.  Of course, a fulfilled, pain-free life is impossible.  

I have second-guessed everything I have done as a parent.  Did I somehow cause this?  If I had paid catch more or forced sports or other manly activities, would that have helped.  Is science right?  is there a disconnect gender identity and biological gender?  How do we talk about this?  

Where I am at right now is to just not abandon, be present.  Alison has moved a few hundred miles away.  I try to call and text frequently and be supportive.  This is not my decision(s) to make.  All i know is that i need Alison in my life and everything else is secondary.

Existential Angst

I guess we all ask these questions at some point.  Whether it's a mid-life crisis or trying to figure out a career path or a gender role.  The weight of the world, or the reflection of a lifetime (to date) are coming into focus.  I think, when I was younger, my life would have made more of an impact or served more people.  But, the truth is, I never found my calling and I have reached the conclusion that I don't have -- many of us don't.  i admire people who can figure out at an early age what they want out of life and just do that.  I don't know that i want to be them, but it seems like they have managed to make one aspect of their life a lot less complicated.

I have always had divergent interests and a desire to serve others.  I'm not sure what that means.  I'm also plagued by doubt.  Let's start with divergent interests.  I think, career-wise, I packed those away at an early age and settled into a career in engineering.  This has afforded me the opportunity to make a decent living without ever really advancing.  i get bored, frustrated, whatever and move on.  The longest I have stayed in one job is shy of six years.  This sealed my fate for advancement. 

The desire to serve was probably killed by a career in engineering.  I have designed hundreds of buildings -- mostly commercial, Walmarts, convenience stores, etc.  it's hard to argue for a public good in those structures.  Now I work mostly for insurance companies helping them evaluate claims. I guess I have never felt that i was particularly good at engineering because I lack the passion that most of my colleagues have.  I view it as a job -- not a calling.   I can't bear to spend an extra minute with most of my colleagues, past or present.  They are not my people.  

What does this have todo with service?  Nothing, other than that I have never really done any.  Which brings us to doubt.  Part of why I have never been too committed to the service that i crave is doubt.  Doubt that any service I provide will have more than a fleeting impact, if not actually do harm.  Most service organizations have some ulterior motive at their core.  I checked into a few different organizations that drill water wells or build schools in the developing world.  Both laudable goals, but they also had a strong evangelical bent to them.  Here's your water and your Bible.  You lack the skills to read it, so I'll tell you what's in it.  Or, they decide what people need in a certain part of the world to make them more like us.  It's complicated and something is missing.  Sorry I have more questions than answers.

I think that education might be the best form of service.  People can use education to help themselves.  Sure, clean drinking water is also important, but it has to come without judgement.  

Rules

Rules are really just guidelines.  What i want to do is establish some criteria for what we or I am trying to do.  What that is:  to travel for 10+ months seeing as much as possible without breaking the bank.  So, the rules:

1.  Be open-minded.  Base decisions on where to travel next in whole or in part on price.  When we leave, we plan to book the least expensive flight to Europe or Asia we can find. (Within reason, right now, the cheapest flight in January is to Oslo.  We may opt for No.2, which is Nice.

2.  Don't blow a lot on hotels.  Hotels have been around at least since baby Jesus and the haven't changed much.  The best has about the same amenities as the worst (okay, maybe we're talking 80-20 here).  But still, not worth paying a lot extra for.  In general, we prefer AirBnB.

3.  Eat local.  It's usually cheaper and better and part of the experience.  I have had Mexican food in the Czech Republic.  There are better places to get Mexican.  There are not better places to get Czech.

4.  Fast travel through expensive places and slow travel through less expensive ones.

5.  Break the rules from time to time.

The Beginning

Tanya and I have been talking and have decided that 2020 will be the year.  A lot of things are converging that point to it being a good time for me to take the year off and figure things out.  First, it is the year when she is eligible for a sabbatical.  She has a applied for a a Fulbright to go to southeast Asia for a semester.  Her application is to study contemporary art in Malaysia, Vietnam and Thailand.  That's Plan A.  

Plan B is if she gets the sabbatical, but not the Fulbright.  If that happens, not much changes as her sabbatical proposal essentially follows her Fulbright.  It will mean less funding and more flexibility.  

Plan C is if she gets neither.  If that happens, I will travel mostly by myself for the year.  She will join on breaks and possibly in the Fall if she reapplies and gets the sabbatical and/or the Fulbright.  This opens up a number of other possibilities too numerous to fully flesh out.  

At any rate, 2020 marks my 30th year of service to the capitalist oligarchy. I  am taking the year off and traveling.  some solo, some with Tanya and possibly others.  I plan to leave it as open as possible and see what unfolds.