Tanya first suggested we go to Bangkok in 2016. I was resistant at the time because we only had a week and I thought it would cost too much and take too long to travel there and back. I countered with Maine. Growing up in New York and going to college in Rhode Island, she thinks of Maine the way I think of the Ozarks. After some cost comparison that determined the costs were about the same, we decided to spend a week in 2017 in Bangkok. We enjoyed it so much that when I took off a year to travel in 2019-2020, I included a month in Bangkok. It was to be the start of the Asia leg of my travels and ended being the end as well.

I saw many of the most popular tourist sites during that 2017 visit. This left me a lot of time to eat, get massages and explore the rest of the city. It also left time for a couple of side trips to Chiang Mai and Pattaya.

As much as I adore Thailand and Bangkok, it’s not without problems. In terms of both wealth and income inequality, Thailand is among the most unequal in the world. This is evident in the beautiful high rise buildings and expensive cars and in the older neighborhoods that are being razed to make way for them. Zoning in Bangkok resembles Houston in its lack of planning. The air quality in Thailand is bad. Many people were wearing masks before Coronavirus (COVID-19) hit the scene. According to Mastercard, Bangkok is the most visited city in the world. This is good and bad. The people are used to tourists and most seem to speak at least some English which makes getting around easy. Nearly all signs and menus have both languages.

Transportation

During this second trip, I was determined not to use taxis or tuk tuks, which meant that I needed to learn Bangkok’s public transit system. During our first visit, I found taxis and tuk tuks annoying to the point of contempt. Both will take advantage of tourists any chance they get. The taxis in Bangkok are metered. With tourists, most of the cab drivers would prefer to not use the meter. This will never work in your favor. For example, I had to take a taxi in from the airport because my flight got in after the public transit closed at midnight. I got in the cab and driver started to pull away and noticed that he had a towel over the meter. I asked him to run the meter. He told me, no, it was 700 baht (~$22). I knew from the last time I was in Bangkok, the meter price was about half that. I got out of that cab and found another cab and it was 430 baht ($14) on the meter. That is the only taxi that I used on this trip.

As for tuk tuks, they will take you just about wherever you want to go for whatever you want to pay. Sound like a good deal? The problem is that they’re going to drop you at a tailor, a jeweler or various other businesses. Apparently, these merchants pay the tuk tuk drivers’ in exchange for them bringing tourists by. I have offered to pay extra NOT to go to these businesses to no avail — you’re still going. Excellent deals on tailoring and jewelry are available in Bangkok, but not at the shops that the tuk tuk drivers will take you to. So, I try and avoid taxis and tuk tuks whenever possible.

For public transit, Bangkok has a metro system (MRT), skytrains (BTS), bus rapid transit (BRT), ferry boats and buses. Using these systems, it’s possible to get just about anywhere in the city. I used the MRT, BTS, BRT and boats and ferries to get around. I never attempted to ride the city buses although they seem to be a viable option. The BRT and the BTS work together. You can buy a Rabbit card that works on both of these systems. The MRT is separate, has a separate fare schedule, and has its own cards available. I do not believe that these cards offer a discount; in fact, the Rabbit card costs 100 baht. It is merely a convenience if you plan on being there a while. The ferries are also separate and cost 15 to 18 baht per ride, but are an excellent way to get around the city. The boats have flags that indicate what type of boat they are. The orange line are express boats and don’t stop at every stop. and the no flag boats are local and make every stop. In addition, the major riverfront hotels have free cross river ferry service. There are also tourist boats and there are longtail boats available for hire when you want to go somewhere the commuter boats don’t go. I would make use of all of these to avoid taxis and tuk tuks. It is important to get to the right pier. At the larger piers, there are several docks side-by-side which service each of these types of boats.

Sights

Temples

As a culture, Thailand is predominantly Buddhist, but also has significant minority populations of Hindus and Muslims. There are also a small number of Christians dating to the Portuguese trading days. On this second trip the only temples I revisited were Wat Arun (Temple of Dawn) and Wat Pho (the Reclining Buddha). There are a number of other impressive temples to see in Bangkok, so pace yourself. Wat Arun is located on the opposite bank of the Chao Phraya from most of the other tourist sites in Bangkok and is accessible by an orange flag boat or a cross river ferry. It features very intricate mosaics and is done in the Khmer style of architecture. While there, one of the last bastions of the Portuguese-Thai community, Kudichin, is a short walk from there. This community actually predates Bangkok and has a church, a few bakeries. and a small museum. Aside from that, the community is organized in much the same way as other older communities in Bangkok, with narrow winding streets.

Wat Pho is huge and impressive to see. It features more than just the Reclining Buddha on its grounds, including three monuments built by past kings. It is also where Thai massage was invented and is still available. It is more expensive there than elsewhere in the city, because…tourist trap? Wat Pho is near the Grand Palace and the Jade Buddha. This part of Bangkok I try to avoid except for when visiting tourist sites. The restaurants cater to tourists and as a result are subpar and overpriced. There are also a number of scams afoot that should be avoided.

Museums

Bangkok is not a great city for museums. The Bangkokian Museum and the Jim Thompson House are both interesting for a look into life in Bangkok during a certain time. The Museum of Siam was very interesting and its collection explored “Thainess” or what it means to be Thai. The Bangkok Arts and Culture Center has rotating shows of contemporary art and shops maintained by artists.

The Erawan Museum was interesting, but struck me as more of a temple or shrine than a museum. It is quite far on the BTS to get there. It’s main feature was a 27m tall stature of a three-headed elephant, a temple and many other elephant statues. Perhaps the most impressive building that I saw was the Sanctuary of Truth in Pattaya, which is reachable by bus on a day trip. The Sanctuary of Truth is a beautiful, ornate structure carved out of teak that sits on the beach of the Gulf of Thailand. The structure is not protected from the elements and is continually decaying and parts are being constantly being repaired or replaced. Workers are always on site. To enter the building, hardhats are required. It is sad and maddening that this is allowed to happen, but it is also hopeful that it is constantly being renewed.

Khao San Road and Patpong

A couple of well-known Bangkok spots that can be avoided are Khao San Road and Patpong. Khao San Road is where backpackers used to head and some still do. It has many hostels, lots of neon and presents a commercialized ideal of Bangkok. I really saw no reason to spend much time there.

Patpong is Bangkok’s most famous red light district. It has a night market, sex shows and other stuff that could be had for less money somewhere else. I walked through Patpong and was lured into a sex show that promised such attractions as “Pussy playing Ping Pong”, “ Pussy blowing out candles”, and various other tricks. Of course, they lure with a cheap drink. I was there early in the evening and maybe that’s why it wasn’t crowded. It seemed like I was the focus of the show.

I was led to a small round table with a Ping Pong paddle on it about 10-feet from a stage set at bar height. On the stage were several women in bikinis with flat expressions on their faces, gyrating to some sort of music. The middle woman had removed her panties. As the music played, a two-tier birthday cake with lit candles was produced. This woman inserted a straw in her vagina and squatted over the cake, aiming the straw at a candle and blew it out. She moved on to the next candle and the next, eventually blowing out all of the candles on the cake. As I glanced back and forth across the stage, the side dancers gestured inviting me to join them in a side room. As I sat there, the waitress put a balloon in my hand. I tried to give it back, not realizing this was part of the show. In my naivety, I thought the balloon was a door prize and not a prop. I was instructed to hold the balloon up, still not understanding what was going on. As I held the balloon, the woman inserted a straw in her vagina. It may have been the same straw or a different straw, I didn’t understand what was going on until the balloon exploded in my hand. She had shot a dart with her vagina to explode the balloon.

More music and dancing and pussy-related tricks ensued. I was not comfortable and wanted to leave. The girl wearing only the bikini bra sat down on the edge of the stage facing me. A punch bowl full of ping pong balls was set beside her. As I watched, she loaded balls into her vagina. Before I fully understood what was going on a ping pong ball flew past my head. The waitress picked up the paddle and placed it in my hand. I started returning service. I had not played Ping Pong in years. I think I did alright returning service.

I asked for the check and was directed to the end of the bar where I was immediately set upon by the waitress, the dancers, the DJ (who I didn’t even realize existed), the bartender and probably a few others with demands for tips. In the blink of an eye, I had given out 2,100 Baht (~$65) for a 100 Baht drink. I decided I was leaving then and headed toward the door. The waitress started to step in front of me and I lowered my shoulder. She stepped back and I left. I had been interested in this playbill since Tanya and I were in Patpong three years ago. Seeing the show in person and all that goes with it was anticlimactic. It was also expensive and a little unnerving.

Muay Thai

Muay Thai, or Thai boxing is the national sport of Thailand. There are Muay Thai shows for tourists all over Bangkok. They are priced for tourists and they are shows. There are also places to go to see the real thing. Clearly the best deal is at Channel 6 stadium. Channel 6 broadcasts Muay Thai fights every Sunday afternoon at 2:30 live from Channel 6 Arena located near the Chatuchak Weekend Market. The fights start on time, move quickly with very little down time between bouts and are free to the public. They have a special section reserved for foreigners. The dress code requires long pants and collared shirts, basically golf attire. If you forget, there are venders outside selling clothing, so you can quickly change. Muay Thai would be high on my list of things to see in Bangkok. At Channel 6, the Thai people bet on the matches, which is why they segregate the foreigners. I went one time and after that, the Arena was closed due to COVID-19. As it is close to Chatuchak (same BTS stop), it makes for a good Sunday to walk around the market, have lunch at one or more of the myriad food stalls and head over to the fights.

Tailoring

Expertly tailored clothes are available at many locations in Bangkok. On both of my trips, I had clothes made. Typically, this takes a couple of days. First, selecting the articles and being measured, followed by a fitting a day or two later. The final products will be ready a day or two after that. Both times, I stopped at tailor shops in Silom. I am told that better prices can be had in other neighborhoods. Silom is near the financial district and is geared more toward business clientele. The people working in these shops generally speak very good English. I cannot vouch for the service offered in other parts of town, but tailored clothes are available at bargain prices in Bangkok.

Cuisine

Thai cuisine is one of the most interesting and varied in the world and extends far beyond Pad Thai. Most westerners with a small sense of adventure will not find it too objectionable. If anyone tells you about eating dogs or insects in Thailand, they are probably misinformed. What you will find is delicious food at all hours of the day and night. It is also not all spicy. In fact, Pad Thai should be sweet. A central tenet of Thai cooking is that all dishes should be salty, spicy, sour and sweet. The typical Thai table will have at least four condiments on it, one representing each of these four flavors. If a dish is too spicy or salty for your tastes, these condiments are added to balance the flavor. A Thai cook will not be offended by using any or all of these. Thai also do not use chopsticks that much (a few dishes are eaten with chopsticks). The proper way to eat Thai is with a fork in the left hand and a big spoon in the right. The fork puts food in the spoon and you eat from the spoon.

I took a night food tour by tuk tuk (my only tuk tuk ride of the trip) and I also took a cooking class. I would recommend both. On the 2017 trip, we took a walking food tour during the day and I would recommend that as well. The culture is very closely tied to the food and so, learning about the food is a good way to learn about the culture. As I said before, the food is not freaky or weird, but it can seem that way to a westerner, thus, having some knowledge of the cuisine before you start exploring can put you at ease when trying to navigate Thai restaurants and food stalls.

Like all Asian cuisines, Thai eat a lot of rice. They also eat a lot of noodles. The most famous dish in Thailand is of course, Pad Thai, a dish not eaten that often by Thai people, but still tasty. Pad Thai came about in the post-WWII era because it was cheap. At the time it was also sweet and the only meat in it were small, dried shrimp. It has evolved. Pad is simply the Thai word for stir fry. So, anytime you see the word ‘pad’, it is going to be something in a stir fry. Other famous Thai dishes include a variety of curries, laab, green papaya salad, pad kra pao and tom yum. The papaya salads and tom yum both come in many different forms. Laab can be made out of about any meat or fish. According to the woman who taught my cooking class, KFC even has a fried chicken laab. Laab incidentally, is minced meat with spices.

Probably the most important Thai cooking is done on the street. Food stalls line the streets in many parts of Bangkok selling soup, meat on a stick, roti and about anything you can imagine. This food is all safe to eat and very cheap. There’s a sort of intermediate step of food courts which combine seating with food stalls that I have found to be a good place to eat. These are also not hard to find. When eating at the food stands and courts, there may not be an English language menu available, so it’s a bit of a leap of faith whether it will be good or not. Pick something that looks interesting or good and try it. Whatever it is, it likely costs less than two dollars. So, try it and if you don’t like it, try something else.

Thai cooking also uses a lot of eggs. They will be scrambled in a stir fry such as Pad Thai, made into an omelet, fried in a wok (outstanding method for frying eggs), or scrambled on roti and drizzled with sweetened, condensed milk for a breakfast.

Massage

Another big part of Thai culture is massage. There are Thai massage places all over. These are legitimate businesses that give massage. They are not in the business of prostitution. Now, if someone approaches you on the street with pictures of naked women in suds asking if you want a massage, that is not a legitimate massage business. That is prostitution, which is illegal in Thailand. Most massage places in Bangkok will offer three main types of massage and some may offer more. The main types are: foot, Thai and oil. Other types that are sometimes offered include aroma oil, herbal compress, hot stone and various combinations.

While in Thailand, one should at least try Thai massage. Whereas oil massage uses oil or lotion rubbed into the skin in combination with pressure, Thai massage uses no oil. You will change into pajamas and the massage will be a combination of applied pressure and forced stretches. Understand that there will be some pain associated with Thai massage. The pressure will be applied with hands, elbows, forearms and feet. In many cases, they will walk on you. They will also intertwine their bodies with yours and force you into positions to stretch muscles. I tried both Thai and oil and came to prefer the Thai. The oil massage is akin to Swedish or Chinese massage you can get anywhere. Massage prices can be as low as 120 Baht/hour ($4) for Thai or foot massage in parts of Bang Rak to 300 Baht/hour ($9) in most parts of the city. Oil types of massage cost a bit more.

In a nutshell, Bangkok is very accessible and modern. It is used to seeing tourists and offers an inexpensive introduction to Asia.